Congratulations, you have stumbled a blog that will tell you the secret to getting rich quickly, starting today. You may not believe how simple it is to make a fortune in a short amount of time, but follow this one simple step and you will be swimming in a sea of money, Scrooge McDuck style, in no time at all.
The secret? Buy stock in Advil. Lots of it.
If you have read my blog before, you know that I recently started running. I have run over 20 miles since I began my running adventure. And while I know that's what some people run in a day, I am just proud of the fact that I have run that distance in about 3 weeks. Due to purple and swollen toe nails, I had to take a few extra days off and wait for the skin on my toenails to disconnect entirely before I could pick up running again. (Why am I so gross?). And while I accepted the fact that I would be losing toenails, I did not expect that I would lose my kneecaps as well. This is where the Advil comes in.
My left knee started bothering me about 2 weeks ago, but I figured it was just a reaction from all the exercising I was forcing my unwilling body to do. I thought it would get better once my legs realized I was determined to keep this up. My solution? Pop a few Advil after each run... and the next day too. I kept giving myself more challenges....beat my own time running a 5K.... run up the very steep hill where I was vacationing.... walk without a limp. Before long, it resulted in two knees that were crying out for mercy, with only the swelling around them to stifle the screams. My solution? Start taking Advil regularly, with an extra dose after running, combined with icing frequently. And I got professionally fitted for new running shoes. (Which is an interesting experience on its own. Not that I didn't enjoy being videotaped while I ran in front of people in a shore wearing jeans and the flowy top I wore to the office in an effort to have the most physically fit person to ever live tell me why I suck at running and what shoes I need to even begin to run like a human being. But I digress.)
So, a few more days off. Armed with new running shoes, a knee brace, and a fresh bottle of Advil, it's time to hit the gym again. RUNNING! For a mile. Then I had to hit the brakes and try walking. Only to find out that my knees were so jacked that walking actually hurt more. The result? Going only about a mile and a half before having to limp home near tears. Tears that can only be soothed by even more Advil. (Ok, and pillows to elevate both legs, and a significant amount of ice to battle the significant amount of swelling).
Unfortunately, I think the only step I have left is to see a doctor. But what doctor would recommend against Advil? And since I plan to keep up with my running as long as I physically have knees to do it with, now is the perfect time for you to buy your stock. When those Advil stocks begin to skyrocket from the sudden spike in sales, you can thank me by paying for my medical bills. And a nice steak dinner.
I really like steak.
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